How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
