Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Holy shit dude........stairs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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