This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
