just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
