The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
