You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
