apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
