you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
