dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize