I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
