i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
wow bdsm is so cute
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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