she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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