oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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