im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
