I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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