You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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