Can i not drive my cunt home
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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