I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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