it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
