the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
