sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
