Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
