i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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