Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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