I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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