i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
