Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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