So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
