I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
