capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
