that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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