Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
