Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
