Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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