Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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