i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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