I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
