She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
