never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize