meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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