i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
