My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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