I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
