God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
