just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
