We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
