Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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