just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
