And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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