Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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