sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
