was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
