Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
