Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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