somebody snuck up and got me drunk
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
