he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
