please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
