Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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