I should be sponsored by Trojan
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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