I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
